'...I got Roza pregnant too.'
'...Oh Nari.'
'You moron!'
'I don't know what happened! I always sacked it!'
'You're going to be busy, Nari!'
'Does Julianna know?'
'Not yet, so don't say anything. I'm going to tell her. I just need to work out how.'
'"I'm in my thirties and still haven't figured out condoms"?'
'Does she, uh, know about the other lady...?'
'No, but I stopped seeing Roza when Juli and I became exclusive.'
'Well, if I were you, pick a day and pamper her socks off. Satisfy her cravings -'
'- Oi oi!'
'I meant food, you hound! Just really look after her foot rubs, sickness medication, yummy food and then tell her. To hopefully lessen the blow.'
'Thank you, Nonna, I'll do that.'
'Well, you know you have our support.'
'Welcome back honey. Are you feeling better now?'
'Yes thank you.'
'So why don't you tell us a little more about yourself? And your family, they sound like a lively bunch.'
'That's one way to describe them. Ummm... We live in Midnight Hollow, Mum's a vet, Dad's a PI, and he's also a nudist so ew, I'm child number six and one of the little ones is a werewolf-fairy hybrid.'
'Nudity is liberatin'. I'd do it more, but I live with three other women and one of them would probably try to cut it off if I did.'
'Do you get to regularly see your dad's penis flapping about in the breeze?'
'We've had the privilege a few times.'
'...I presume you mean Ettore, and not Ray.'
'Obviously!'
'I don't mind what my dad does behind closed doors, just so long as I don't have to get a look at parental penis.'
'Anyway honey, how about you? Tell us a bit about yourself too!'
'Um, well... I'm a delivery driver, I've got one daughter, a load of foster siblings, I'm forty...'
'Wow, really? You look great!'
'Oh really? Got yourself a MILF there, Stanley!'
'Oh Cipriano! Ignore him honey, he's terrible.'
'I do apologise.'
'Damn it, Grandpa! She might be, but it ain't right for you to say it!'
'I'll take it as a compliment.'
'For the best, this family seems to mainly show fondness through being inappropriate.'
'Rest assured, you're safe from me, and not just because Perlita would have my head on a spike.'
'Not just your head!'
'Hey, this is our first anniversary! We got together last Christmas.'
'It was lovely.'
'So you must have discussed the future, now that it's been a year?'
'Not really...'
'I wouldn't wait much longer. After all, you're not getting any younger!'
'Jeez, Ma!'
'I'm just saying, she doesn't have much time left to have another child.'
'Giselle, let's not have a get together where our guests are attacked and belittled.'
'I'm not attacking anyone! I think it's something important we need to talk about.'
'We're not having any kids together...'
'Ma, I keep tellin' you, I don't want kids! Why you gotta harass her about it?'
'"We"? You're not a part of their relationship. And there, Stanley's made his position clear, now drop it.'
'Yeah, otherwise I'll ask you to leave.'
'That's ridiculous! Ettore gets three new grandchildren just like that, and I'm not allowed to want any more? Where are my grandchildren?'
'Probably in Stan's used tissues.'
'Okay, time to leave.'
'Okay, I'll stop!'
'It's fine, Genaro. I'll talk to her outside. Come on.'
'I'm sorry, sweetie.'
'Okay, so... I don't want to make a bad impression in front of my new boyfriend's family, but... is she always like that?'
'She's a fucking bitch.'
'She's nuts. Don't take it personal, hon. It ain't you.'
'What should I do?'
'Run.'
'Terra...'
'Oh not from Stan or the family, just from her.'
'I kind of agree. I don't like badmouthing her because I still love her despite, well, that, try not to engage. Stick with Stanley, he'll stand up for you. And the rest of us don't mind telling her off if needs be.'
'Thanks.'
'I do wish she wasn't so jealous of me. It's not about quantity! She should appreciate the two great kids and grandkids she already has.'
'If you're ever around Midnight Hollow, you should drop in on my mum. Her mother in law's just the same.'
'Your grandma?'
'I'd prefer to pretend she's not related to me, but unfortunately.'
'At least you ain't gotta worry about Auntie Donna. She ain't crazy like Ma.'
'No, but it's possible to catch Mama and Papa getting friendly on the sofa.'
'...Not on the regular?'
'Nah. Just the once, but it's been burnt into my mind.'
'Cool, thanks Papa, I really wanted that mental image.'
'Genaro!'
'At least we still have a healthy marriage!'
'Eh, we got caught on the kitchen table once. It happens!'
'Oh, um, wow. I hope that doesn't ever happen to us!'
'...Wow, Terra, I only just noticed your sweater! I love it!'
'Thanks!'
'Notice what? It's reindeer.'
'Look a bit closer.'
'Wait, they're having sex!'
'Reindeer get frisky too.'
'You could even say they get horny.'
'That was terrible.'
'Anyway Papa, you're wearing a sweater of a snowman giving the middle finger, so you can't say anything about mine.'
'I wasn't going to, I just didn't notice they were screwing.'
'I'm back.'
'Where's Ma?'
'Gone to be with Dad and the kids for a bit. What'd I miss?'
'Papa being inappropriate. So nothing new!'
'Yeah, sounds normal. Hell, this whole family's inappropriate. 'Specially Portia. And Grandma and Grandpa.'
'Ain't nothin' wrong with me!'
