Stanley AMA

TigerAnne: Question: What is the satisfaction you get from dipping your balls in your beer? 

'Oh man. It's more of a joke, to be honest! After a few, it's really funny. I don't really remember how it all started. People do stupid shit when they're drunk, and, well, I'm no exception... But I'm sure you all know that by now.'

TigerAnne: Still for Stan: Have you ever got so drunk you've ended up in bed with something that you mistook for a human? 

'...I... don't know what you're gettin' at. You mean, like, a blow up doll? A supernatural? No, I've only ever taken women to bed. Once or twice... I'd rather have a girlfriend than have a loada one night stands.'

TigerAnne: Have you ever settled down for the night with a porn-flick, only to have Abraxas show up as the handy-man? 

'Oh, hell no. I think I'd fuckin' cry if that happened. Jeez. That's enough to put anyone off for life.'

'Besides, I ain't got as much time for porn these days. I don't need to. Back in the day, Nari got me this weird satellite that had a load of obscure porn channels on it. Yeah, I used to watch it on the TV. We're talkin' back when high-speed internet wasn't widespread. A lot of this porn ended up bein' from other countries... so fortunately, no Abraxas in sight. Not that the men were that much better than him, but I ain't lookin' at them, am I?'

TigerAnne: If you ended up growing boobs of your own, would you despair or be overjoyed?

'My chest is pretty hairy, so that'd be weird. I think I'd enjoy messin' with 'em at first, 'cos of course you would, wouldn't you? The same if you suddenly had a vag or a dick - y'know, whichever one you don't already have. Gotta take it for a test run. But I think maybe the novelty would wear off after a while, then I'd have to start buyin' bras and shit.'

'...And Nyla would be pretty jealous if they were bigger than hers.'

GHETSIS DICK FINGERS aka BL00DIEDHELL: whats the worst thing youve done that doesnt involve your ding dong doodle

'Goin' to prison? That was pretty fuckin' stupid. All of it. I didn't realise just how violated those people musta felt when I broke into their house. It was a really wrong thing to do. And then the second part, resisting arrest and punching Ellis...'

'I still feel bad. He didn't deserve that, and I don't blame the guy for hatin' me afterwards. I just panicked... but it's no excuse. I deserved the punishment I got.'

TigerAnne: What's the worst accident/most embarrasing moment you've had that did involve your tinkly toodles?

'Prolly that one time I got thrown outta the bar for slappin' my dick onto it. Hey, before you judge me – there was a reason for it! See, I was kinda wrecked at that point, and I bought myself another beer before I realised I had no money left.'

'...So for some reason I still don't know, I thought I'd just... offer my dick as payment? I don't know what I was expectin'. I wasn't thinkin' that far ahead... or at all, to be honest.'

'Long story short, we were asked to leave. Yeah, we. Edward was there too. He ain't forgotten it, either.'

GHETSIS DICK FINGERS aka BL00DIEDHELL: stan what was prison like

'It was ass. What else do you expect me say?'

'...Okay, that's unfair. It wasn't the hell on Earth I was expectin' it to be, but it wasn't the holiday camp everyone else claims it is. Listen, whenever someone says that shit, you immediately know they've never been to one. 'Cos that's all you ever hear, people sayin'  prisoners should be treated worse, locked in a cell all day with no entertainment or anythin' good at all.'

'I was in a low-security prison, so it coulda been much worse. It was individual rooms and I was allowed a TV. People say it shouldn't be so “cosy” but... you're keepin' people  locked up, with barely any freedom at all. Every part of your life is regulated. They tell you when you can eat, when you have to go to bed, when you can use the phone, when you have to work, everythin'. You don't get to see your family without their say so, and it's no more than once a week. You're already losin' a hell of a lot... and like I said before, you probably deserve to. It's punishment, after all. But to take away the few freedoms prisoners do get? That's just vindictive. That's just makin' people suffer 'cos they think criminals don't deserve to be treated like people.'

'Not everyone who committed a crime is a bad person. Anyone can make a mistake. Bein' sent to prison shouldn't write you off forever. These are people who need to go back into society once they're free. How can they do that if they're treated like shit for the rest of their lives? So while prison wasn't completely, 100% awful for me, nor should it be. Hard time don't make people into good citizens. It just makes 'em more likely to end up back there again.'

Question for Stan: Did you find it strangely liberating wearing that dress?

'Y'know, it was surprisingly nice. Weird to have all that air around my junk, but in a good way. You gotta let 'em breathe sometimes.'

Rinthia: What favorite childhood memory always comes to mind when you think about being a kid? Favorite foods and color?

'Probably those times I was with the whole family. Goin' to Italy for Christmas, bein' spoiled by my grandparents... Good times. Ain't much changed really. They're still the same as they always were. But when you're a kid, you get all kinds of toys. It's a different kind of special.'

'As for foods, well, my ma is a great cook. She can make just about anything taste good. There's this panettone she does... oh man, now I'm hungry. And my favourite colour? Hmm... I'd say red or green.'

Got your back

'So, Suzie... you have anything to do with Jude these days? I don't think she's with Masters any more. Did she ever come back to you?'

'Did she fuck. Whatever, she's not my problem any more. Kid's 18, she can take care of herself. Doubly so if she's been smashing people's faces in in the ring.'

'Ah, thought so. I didn't like to say, but it never looked like you really bonded with her.'

'Yeah, well, we both know she was a mistake.'

'Oh well.'

'On another note... Austin seems to have worked his way up quite quickly, don't you think? At least, I get the impression he's become quite close to you.'

'He does seem loyal enough. Can't find anything bad to say about him, as it stands. Obviously that could change, but he'd be a fool to try anything.'

'No, not if he knows what's good for him, which he seems to. How close are you, anyway? On a personal level.'

'I've had a drink with him a few times, but mostly it's all business. I would've thought you'd be a lot closer, since you're an item, and all.'

'Well yeah, safe to say I'm much more intimately acquainted with him than you are!'

'Glad to hear it! I don't want to know him as well as you do, not in that way, at least.'

'No... Well, the reason I bring it up is I've been hearing some things about his past. Now you know me, I don't judge people's personal lives, and I'm not going to go psycho when it comes to things and women he used to do before me.'

'But...? I sense a “but” coming.'

'...But it does worry me ever so slightly that he apparently used to beat his ex.'

'Ah. You're worried he might do it to you too?'

'You know I'd throw him out on his ass if he tried it, but nevertheless, I'd rather it didn't happen at all.'

'Well, of course, Suzie. Nobody wants that.'

'So Blake, I just want to know... do you have my back on this?'

'You know you do. We've got a far longer history together than I do with him. Of course I'd choose you first, if it came to it.'

'Thanks. I'm glad to hear it.'

'You want me to have a word? Nothing heavy-handed, just a little warning'd do the trick, I reckon. Make sure he knows not to start shit.'

'Well, if you don't mind...'

'Not at all. Don't worry – I won't drop you in it.'

'Fantastic. Thanks a lot, Blake.'

'Don't mention it. We look out for each other, don't we?'

''Course we do.'

'I can't believe Nari. Managing to get two of us pregnant at the same time... Only someone like him could do that.'

'He's certainly fertile... I'm almost kinda surprised he's only got three kids total.'

'It fucking sucks. My baby will barely know her siblings... The worst thing is that he waited all this time to say something. Why didn't he sooner? I would have been over it by now.'

'Oh, God... Roza, I have an awful confession to make. I... We already knew. Me and Stan.'

'What? He told you? When was this?'

'...Last Christmas.'

'Christmas?! Nyla, it's fucking July! What the hell?'

'His brother, Feleti, and his wife announced their pregnancy, so Nari took the opportunity to tell them all about Julianna as well. And he told them about you too, once Julianna left the room...'

'That fucking snake! And just what the fuck were you thinking as well? You knew all this time and never said anything to me! How could you?'

'I know, I'm sorry! I should've told you...'

'Damn right you should have! What kind of friend are you?'

'They – him and Stan – they told me not to say anything until he did-'

'That was months ago! You don't think you gave him plenty of time to tell me? What the fuck were you all waiting for?'

'Because he was a coward, and couldn't tell you sooner. We kept telling him to tell you! Neither of us wanted to go against his wishes and do it first so we were trying to make him do it. I know, Roza, we let it drag out too long, and I'm sorry. I wish I'd just gone ahead and done it anyway. I just didn't want to drop this bombshell... I never wanted to be put in this position in the first place. He never should've admitted it in front of me.'

'Sounds like just about everyone fucking knew before I did.'

'Just his family, and they don't know you... You're right, Stan and I should have had an obligation to tell you instead of keeping it from you. I never wanted to. I was wrong to try to prioritise Nari above you. I'm so sorry.'

'…Ugh. This is all Nari's fault. Who does he think he is, knocking two different women up and not telling either of us for six months?! Dragging other people into it and making them stay quiet! He's shit.'

'I hated it, Roza. You deserved to know sooner, and I really apologise for letting you down.'

'...I forgive you. Just don't... ever do that again.'

'Well, hopefully something like that won't happen again.'

'No, it fucking won't. That I am sure of. But I might just have to punch Stanley as well.'

'Oh, please don't... I feel bad for landing him in it too.'

'He is supposed to be my friend as well, but he still chose to cover for his loser cousin. Idiot.'

'We're all idiots in this, Roza, please don't single Stan out.'

'I won't hurt him, I was not being serious about that. I will still talk to him, though. It will not be very polite, either.'

'...That's fair.'

A horse's ass

'Is that the news?'

'Yep. Oh, how tragic. Tate's coming out of hospital. I'd rather hoped he'd have to stay a good deal longer.'

'That's a shame.'

'Never mind. He's certainly spent enough time there this past year already, at any rate. They'll reserve him his own private room soon.'

'All because of you. The ball-stabbing incident still holds top place in my heart, though.'

'Oh yes, it's certainly a favourite of mine. I really should've got you to film it. Instead, I have to settle for reliving it through imagination only.'

'Oh well.'

'No matter. I do wish this particular incident had been more of a success, though it's certainly not your fault. You did well.'

'I was only Charon's lookout. Can't blame him either for it not being fatal, though. It would've been hard to land.'

'I can imagine. Still, the fact that he survived the meteor only ends up being a good thing, in the end. I'm far from done with him.'

'Did you have something in mind...?'

'I need to think more on it. It's a matter of logistics and planning. There's no good in risking it with a half-assed plan. But yes, of course I intend to visit him again.'

'Well, yeah. The day you decide to stop pursuing Tate is the day I decide to get you checked for dementia.'

'Ouch, wow. What a terrible thing to say.'

'I know. That was pretty careless of me, actually...'

'God knows I've said worse. So, I think for now it'd be more effective to get Brianne to leave. If I don't see movement from her soon, I might have to step it up a bit.'

'...You'd better not be hurting anyone innocent.'

'No, Hazel. We already agreed... I promise, I won't harm anybody else that doesn't deserve it. I know you don't agree with those methods, and I'd much prefer not to alienate you. I'm not going to do anything to her. I just want the stupid woman to see sense. Causing Tate pain is fun, but there's a lot to be said for hurting him indirectly too.'

'I doubt he gives a shit about Brianne or the twins.'

'Of course he doesn't, but he'd still be angry on principle. He'd be alone and having to start over yet again, and someone like him simply can't stand to be on his own. He isn't happy unless he has a family to make suffer.'

'Exactly why I wanted to kill the bastard and be done with it.'

'It's not enough to just kill him. I want him to be completely ruined by the time somebody finally puts him out of his misery. After all, he still has a loyal fanbase of voters who have no idea how vile he truly is.'

'I'm surprised you haven't done something about that already.'

'Anything against him would be far more credible coming from his family rather than me. And again, it's all about timing. There's little point in striking before election season, when all eyes are on him. If you make controversies happen too soon, people may forget.'

'...Of course, some people can get away with anything. Tate certainly has his base of core voters in that circle who will always support him so long as he panders to them. You know exactly the kind of demographic he targets. And, with it, some sad people under the delusion that he'll help them too. We aren't talking about smart people here.'

'You think a load of people would still vote for him even if they knew about the awful shit he's done?'

'Not all of them, but some would. It happens. And they say I lack morals... At least I'm honest about it.'

'They'd excuse abuse? Murder?'

'People are inherently selfish, Hazel. It just isn't always socially acceptable to admit it. But you know, if the scandal were to be big enough and horrible enough, the vast majority would no longer find themselves able to publicly support the scum.'

'Will that happen, then, when the time is right?'

'I'm sure it will, even if it isn't me who makes it happen.'

'Welcome home, babe.'

'Thank you, Brianne. Ugh, what a complete disaster this has been... I'm sick of that hospital.'

'Are you okay?'

'Well, what do you think?'

'...Sorry, stupid question. I just meant, are you in a lot of pain...?'

'Yes, but I'll manage. I just need bed rest and a lot of painkillers. I think I'll head off to bed now, actually. Make me a coffee and bring it up to me, will you?'

'Yeah, sure... Um, first, I wanted to say... I'm keeping the baby, Tate. I don't want an abortion.'

'…..Wow, what a nice present for me coming out of the hospital. That's so considerate of you.'

'Hey, there's no need to be like that! I just wanted to tell you as soon as possible, otherwise it'd just be on my mind! Jeez, you don't have to act like a horse's ass over it.'

'What the hell did you expect? Did you think I was going to jump for joy? Even if I could right now, I wouldn't. Christ.'

'Well, I hope you warm up to the idea of your new child before it's here, because I don't want you talking about it like that in front of it.'

'If it's even mine.'

'For God's sake...'

'Anyway, coffee. See you in a few minutes.'

'Ah, hello. I'm managing okay, thank you for asking.'

'Oh, no, I wasn't directly hit. It was mostly debris. If it'd landed right on me, I would probably be dead. Actually, I wanted to ask you a favour relating to this.'

'It was no act of nature, and I know very well who did it. I should've sold that miserable excuse of life for his organs as a baby.'

'My own grandson. And that's why I'm calling. I need you to sort him out. Actually, I think he's going to this wedding soon, and I'd rather not have to see him and everyone else all there. They'll suspect, and cause a scene I really can't afford now. It'll have to be after. Make it as painful as possible. He doesn't get away with trying to kill me...'