Emerging on the other side

‘Tate.’

‘Hello, Abraxas. I haven’t heard anything from you in a few days. How are things?’

‘Not good. I’m in hospital.’

‘Oh, shit. What’s happened?’

 ‘Two demons broke in and attacked me. One of them cut my fucking finger off!’

‘What the fuck?’

‘Some spiked demon fuck with a pervert’s moustache, he pinned me down while the other demon fought Nephilim, and… you get the idea.’

‘Oh God, I had no idea… No wonder you haven’t been in touch.’

‘Exactly, I’m recovering. Complete fucking detachment. Miles himself didn’t show up, I noticed. He sent his demon bodyguards to do his dirty work from afar, the fucking coward.’

‘Well, that’s bloody typical. He’s useless without them! How did he even know you were involved, though? Presumably this is about what we’d agreed?’

‘That’s the only thing I can think of, certainly. The one that mutilated my hand said to leave Miles alone or it’d be my cock next. So I believe that narrows it down, and it was the closest to an explanation either of them gave.’

‘But how did he find out?’

‘Shit, I know! Saul! The pussy called me up to say that he was taken and cracked under interrogation. Nothing even happened to him, for fuck’s sake, but this home invasion happened before I had the chance to tell you.’

‘Oh, well that’s just great. Does he realise what he’s done?!’

‘Probably not, but I will impress upon him the massive fucking mistake he’s made once I’m out of hospital. If the sight of my missing finger doesn’t make him grovel for forgiveness, then for all I care, Nephilim can do what she wants with him.’

‘Good. The useless bastard. God, I’m going to have to make sure my security is airtight. I might stay home from work for a few days. Ugh.’

‘God, good idea. I think I’m going to up my own security, make sure nothing like this gets to happen again. I’m not happy about leaving it like this, I want retribution, damn it, for both of us!’

‘I’m sick to death of it. We’ll have to think of something once you’ve healed a bit. Not only have I got Miles to worry about, his bitch of a daughter helped Ellis to attack one of my allies. Ellis, for fuck’s sake! And that pissed off the gang leader who’s working with me. Not that he has much room to talk considering the way they botched the last job I asked of them, but right now I need all the help I can get.’

‘Jesus Christ, how the self-righteous have fallen. I hope someone as morally upstanding as that Ellis claims to be can live allying with Miles’ family on his conscience.’

‘Considering what Miles did to his brother, too. God knows how I ended up with him as my first born.’

‘What a weak-spined little bitch. Disgraceful. We deserve better from our kids.’

‘Absolutely. I’ll let you rest, anyway. I’d better try to sort some things out.’

‘Thank you. I’ll get in touch again soon.’

‘Okay. See you later.’

‘My landlord said that since I’ve been such a good tenant all this time, he’s willing to allow me to have a dog as long as my housemates agree, it’s not too big and if I keep it off the furniture.’

‘Wow! That’s all happened very quickly, hasn’t it?’

‘I figured I’d ask straight away while I still have the motivation. The condition is if it damages anything then I’ll be expected to pay for it, which is understandable. I made the case that it’ll be good for my mental health.’

‘That’s great! I wasn’t sure if he’d agree.’

‘No, me neither. I know it was a bit cheeky to ask. If he’d said no then I would probably have struggled to find a place that’d say yes. Besides, I still enjoy living here.’

‘And now you’ll enjoy it even more. Topaz will too, she loves dogs.’

‘Not just Topaz, I bet.’

‘Well… I might find myself visiting more often.’

‘And here’s me thinking you liked visiting me for me.’

‘I do, but it’d be an extra bonus!’

‘Either way, I’d still enjoy having you around more.’

‘I’d enjoy that, too. So… how have you been doing, other than that?’

‘I’m trying to deal with every day as it comes. And recently, it’s been a string of days where everything’s been good. Whether it lasts or not, I don’t know. In all honestly, I never expect it to. But I don’t need to sit around worrying when it’ll pass and instead just, y’know, enjoy the life I’m living. The fact is, I’m alive, I haven’t hurt myself in a while, I’m working damn hard on myself and I’m trying to carve out a life where I’m just content. I have people who love me, things to look forward to in terms of TV, music, trips out… And I don’t want the reality of my past to dictate how I live for the rest of my life. Fuck, it’s taken enough from me. I don’t need it.’

‘You know, I think you’ve come a hell of a long way since I met you. And it wasn’t that long ago, relatively speaking. Especially not in werewolf time.’

‘Yeah… I overshared a lot, didn’t I? I’m sorry you got bombarded with all that straight away. That’s kind of a thing… Not a good one, either. So much for getting to know someone organically.’

‘To be fair, they were extreme circumstances. We were summoned to discuss this ongoing crisis. Hardly normal times. Everything you said was pretty relevant to the situation.’

‘And then I attempted indirect suicide and you still wanted to be my friend.’

‘That would be a really shit reason to stop being someone’s friend.’

‘Dealing with me can be hard. It’s why I’m doing my best to get better.’

‘Aria… I’ve dealt with a lot of hardship as well. My mental health hasn’t always come out of it very well. Most of it is just my personality, but I’ve also dealt with depression, too. And without going into a lot of detail, Topaz has been through absolute hell.’

‘She told me about some of it. The alcoholism, losing someone in the army, her miscarriage… She told me about it when she was trying to support me.’

‘Ah… She’s a good person.’

‘She really is.’

‘That’s why I wouldn’t be too worried about your family drama. We’ve had plenty of it ourselves. None of it from being abusive to each other, but… Oh God, I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying Topaz, but at the same time, I feel like I have the right to talk about this.’

‘About what?’

‘I’m telling you only because I trust you. I feel like you wouldn’t hold it against her.’

‘Hold what against her?’

‘…Sometimes, werewolves can’t control their transformation. It’s never happened to me, you’ve seen what transforming does to me, how I behave. But on occasion, if someone is feeling particularly strong emotions, if they’re spiralling out of control… They can become violent and aggressive, against their will.’

‘And that happened to her?’

‘Yeah. When she was grieving Peter, and the miscarriage, and then she nearly lost Tony as well. It was the start of her alcohol problems. I tried to intervene and stop her from getting obliterated one night, but she was having none of it. She was in a lot of pain and she was lashing out. But it was a full moon. We transformed and she lost control…’

‘…Did… did she cause your scars?!’

‘Yeah. It was a mauling. You can see she has a bit of scarring on her face but I’m not sure if I caused that in self-defence or if one of my parents accidentally did it when pulling her off. They had to stop her. It was horrible for them, too, to see that happening between their own children.’

‘God, I bet. What the hell happened after that?’

‘It took me a while to forgive her. It wasn’t her fault, it’s not like she deliberately attacked me, but obviously as well as the physical toll on me, it caused me a lot of emotional pain, too. Dealing with being permanently, physically scarred. Knowing it’d change my life. And it did. I get a lot more staring now, and even though I’ve never had this burning desire to be attractive, I also didn’t want to be ugly either.’

‘Isai, you are not remotely ugly, okay? Scars don’t make a person ugly. But I understand why it feels that way… Edward and Saraya have been through the same thing. They often feel ugly, too.’

‘Right, exactly. And not everybody is like you, Aria. So I couldn’t be around Topaz for a while, but it only made her trauma worse. That’s a big factor as to why she became a full-blown alcoholic.’

‘Did the police get involved?’

‘Yes, the police were involved. Of course, they had to be. But because I knew she didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t want any charges to be brought. I know the police can often override the victim’s wishes in these kinds of situations, but once they knew all the facts, they didn’t feel it was in anybody’s best interests to pursue a case. She wasn’t a threat or a domestic abuser, it was a tragic accident.’

‘Wow… God, I can see why that was so awful for both of you. I don’t blame you for not wanting to be around her afterwards, but I don’t blame her either, under the circumstances.’

‘Good. I had a feeling you wouldn’t.’

‘How could I? I’m a fucking killer, for God’s sake.’

‘Yet it wasn’t that straightforward, was it? Just like if I’d said “my own sister mauled me and left me covered in scars”, that doesn’t give a full picture.’

‘No, you’re right… I’m really sorry you all went through that.’

‘I’ve wanted you to know for a while. I do want everything between us to be completely honest, no secrets. And I was hoping I could make you feel a bit better about having your own past, since you’re not alone.’

‘I do feel a bit better. I just don’t wanna excessively burden you or anyone else with it, okay? I never want you to feel like this is an uneven friendship. I wanna be there for you as much as you’ve been there for me.’

‘I know that. And I don’t doubt that you are, and will be. I’m just glad you’re doing better… because, well, I care about you.’

‘Thanks… That means a lot to me.’