Farrington-Gores: Feelings

'Hidden Springs is really lovely. It was just what Logan and I needed. Hey, we'll have to go sometime together, I bet you'd like it.'

'Yeah, that sounds great. Glad you enjoyed it, anyway.'

'We did! Thanks so much, you and everyone else for making it happen.'

'Our pleasure.'

'What have you been up to while we've been away?'

'Just the same old, mostly. Although, I went for a night out with Isai, that was fun.'

'Oh, good! It's nice to go out once in a while. You get bored of the same four walls.'

'Yeah. Actually, there's something kinda weird about that. I don't really get it...'

'What's up?'

'It's, well, him. I've started feeling odd around him and I've got no idea why.'

'Odd? Odd how?'

'I can't really explain it. He hasn't done anything wrong either. It's not like it's his behaviour that's making me uncomfortable, and you know I have a good eye for bullshit. It's baffling.'

'I think gut feelings are important. Is it, like, a bad vibe?'

'No, no. Almost the opposite? It's since I've started spending more time with him. I feel really silly and not like myself at all. It's getting hard to look him in the eye...'

'Ahh. Is it butterflies in the stomach? Do you blush more?'

'Yeah... Why, what are you getting at?'

'Awww, I think you might have a crush on him!'

'What the fuck? Oh, no, I can't, can I? You really think that's what it is?'

'It sounds like it! It reminds me of how I used to feel about Logan. Of course, I still fancy him, it's just different now.'

'Oh good Jesus.'

'Oh, Aria, that's so sweet!'

'No, it really isn't! Fuck, you're right, it has to be a crush... shit, I think I've been in denial. Should've realised when I kept wanting to see more and more of him...'

'Are you gonna tell him?'

'Hell no!'

'Why not?'

'Why not? Because it's a fucking waste of time, that's why not. For both of us.'

'And why is it a waste of time?'

'Relationships are a waste of time in most cases. Not yours or Ellis', but it would be in mine.'

'Oh, come on. What makes it so different for you?'

'I'm a fucking trainwreck of a person? It doesn't matter that I've been getting better. The fact is, it's still there under the surface. I'm not magically fixed and it'll take a long time, if it ever does work. I'm just fundamentally flawed as a person, and I have no right inflicting that on someone I claim to care about. It'd be cruel.'

'Aria, that's bullshit! You're talking about yourself as if you're Tate!'

'No, if I were doing that, I'd be making myself out to be the biggest slut on Earth. As it stands, I'm not any more suited to other people's company than he is.'

'That's ridiculous. We know what he is, there's little point into going into all that. But you? You're not like he is. You're a good person!'

'You know, you ought to consider standup at some point, Raya. I really think you'd be successful.'

'...Look, you said you're getting better. That means you're managing things better. Nobody's perfect all the time, are they? A good person will help you through the tough times-'

'He wants a girlfriend, Saraya, not a burden. I have a therapist to sort my shit. And Isai doesn't need any more stress in his life! The poor man's got enough on with working the world's shittiest job. Imagine coming home from that to having to tiptoe around a psycho bitch. I'm doing the right thing here. I'm being realistic about the situation.'

'Well, I disagree with everything you've just said, but it's obvious I can't convince you right now. Why not ask your therapist what he thinks about your capability for a relationship?'

'...Sure, I suppose it can't hurt to mention it. I'm meant to be upfront and honest. Just... look at what people think about people like me. You go on the internet and search what the general consensus is on people with BPD. Clingy, crazy, evil, bunny boilers, manipulative... The advice is always to run away.'

'People on the internet are assholes, and you can't generalise one condition – that you have relatively mildly – and all its people. Isai wouldn't do that, would he? You said he's nice.'

'He is. He's really nice.'

'There's no need to rush into action while you're uncomfortable with it. Just take some time to figure it out, ask people's advice, trust your own limitations... the ones you do have, not “Aria is the root of the world's evil” mode, right?'

'Right.'

'And take no notice of strangers. Listen to people who actually know you. If you actually were human garbage, none of us would entertain having you around. We had no problem cutting ties with Tate despite being “family”, so you wouldn't be any different.'

'...I don't know what I'd do without you.'

'I don't know what I'd do without you either, and not just for entertainment reasons.'

'Oh, Hazel, can I ask a favour of you?'

'Sure. What is it?'

'See, I'm just finishing this letter and including the evidence in it. Do you think you could go tell the Farringtons themselves about it in person?'

'Wait, what? Which ones?'

'Tate's children. The ones who still reside in Sunset Valley, obviously, telling the triplets would clearly be difficult as they're still nowhere to be found.'

'Um, they hate me. The best I get is politeness out of Charon but it's obvious he still doesn't trust me or want to spend any time around me. Just the overlap with Wednesday's friend groups...'

'I know, but this is important. I'm sure they'll be more bothered about learning the truth than focusing on shooting the messenger. I feel this will have a bigger impact in person-'

'Can't you just send them a letter too? I don't want to be part of this, honestly. They're just going to wonder why I didn't tell them sooner, and I can hardly say it's because you didn't want me to because you were waiting for the "right time" to rub it in their faces. Your name is dirt.'