Impossibly stupid

(A/N: Warning for descriptions of torture)

‘What the fuck’s goin’ on?!’

‘FOOLISH HUMAN. YOUR WEAPON IS WORTHLESS AGAINST ME.’

‘What the fuck are you, and what d’you want with me?!’

‘I AM RIKARD THE DESTROYER. YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING MILES.’

‘I’ve not been doin’ shit. I’ve been lookin’ around the town, nothin’ wrong with that.’

‘YOU LIE! WE KNOW WHAT WE HAVE SEEN.’

‘You got any proof, mate?’

‘DO NOT “MATE” ME. I DO NOT REQUIRE PROOF. YOU SHALL STAY HERE UNTIL I HAVE BROUGHT MILES.’

‘So you ain’t got any proof then, ‘cause lemme tell you, I don’t even know any fuckin’ Miles. I don’t got a damn clue what you’re talkin’ about, I was just checkin’ the town out and suddenly I’m fuckin’ abducted!’

‘YOUR STALKER WAS THERE AS YOU LEFT WORK. I TOOK HIM TO THE PRISON.’

‘Good job, Rikard. Where was he this time?’

‘BY THE HOSPITAL. HE IS PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.’

‘Well, naturally. We’ll see how long he can hold out under interrogation, shall we?’

‘IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE.’

‘So… you’re the one who has been stalking me.’

‘No, mate. Like I was tryin’ to tell your buddy, I was checkin’ out the town.’

‘I’m supposed to believe it’s a simple coincidence that you’ve been turning up near me on multiple occasions over the past few days?’

‘Yeah. Coincidences do happen.’

‘They do, but this wasn’t one. Who sent you?’

‘Nobody. I ain’t done a fuckin’ thing wrong.’

‘THIS IS FRUITLESS.’

‘I agree. I’m not wasting my time trying to get blood out of a stone.’

‘Why do that, when I can get blood from you instead?’

‘What kind of psycho grabs a rando off the street and starts throwin’ ‘round threats?’

‘What kind of psycho brings a gun when they’re “checking out” a town?’

‘I’m from a rough shithole where crime’s sky high. You don’t carry a piece, you’re gonna get hurt. That’s why I’m lookin’ for a better place, I’m fuckin’ sick of havin’ to fight others off.’

‘A likely story. I wonder what will make you talk faster? You know, I’ll even let you have your pick. Let’s go look. Can you let him out, Rikard?’

‘COME ALONG, HUMAN. FOLLOW MILES.’

‘Fuckin’ Christ.’

‘This one is probably the most well-known. I’m sure you don’t need me to explain it, but I will anyway. It’s an iron maiden. All you do is stand inside it. It’s that simple.’

‘This is called a Judas Cradle. You sit on this one. I’ll let your imagination fill in the gaps.’

‘This is a breaking wheel. We tie you to it, then break your bones, starting with the legs.’

‘This frame is also for tying you to. We could tie you by your arms, or sometimes people like to tie the victim by their legs, hang them upside down and saw between their legs.’

‘This is a garotte. It’s fairly straightforward: you sit on it and we strangle you. But honestly, there’s no fun in that. You’d just die too quickly.’

‘Now, this can go two ways. You tell me who sent you and for what purpose, and you can avoid all of this. But if you insist upon feigning ignorance, you’re going to become very familiar with one or more of these devices. So, which is it?’

‘You don’t have the stones.’

‘That was the wrong move.’

…

‘YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLY STUPID.’

‘You know, I don’t often show this much mercy. Oh well. This should serve as a good warmup.’

‘It was Abraxas!’

‘Abraxas? Oh, now we’re getting somewhere. Why did he send you?’

‘He just sent me to get info, I wasn’t meant to fuck you up or even have contact. The gun was in case somethin’ went wrong. Didn’t think it’d go this fuckin’ wrong…’

‘Oh, I bet. What is Abraxas planning?’

‘...Your death.’

‘Well then. No prizes for guessing who put him up to that.’

‘That’s all I got told, I was meant to be gettin’ info, I’m not hidin’ anything else.’

‘No, I don’t suppose you can tell me anything more serious than that. Very well, I’ll stick to my word. That’s a shame, I was looking forward to it.’

‘WE’RE LETTING THE HUMAN GO?’

‘He’s served his purpose, and we have far bigger targets.’