Heath and Ellis AMA

Lady_Chaos: How's baby Nix doing?

'She's doing really well, thank you.'

'As you can see, she's pretty peaceful right now.'

'Not all the time! According to her, it's fine for her to have a nap, but when I wanna do it, that's not acceptable.'

'I was laid on the sofa trying to catch up on some sleep but she was having none of it. She needed me to play with her right that moment, and ended up climbing on top of me and shouting "DADDY" into my ear.'

'Aww, she loves you.'

'I'm glad, but she should share some of that kind of love with you too.'

BL00DIEDHELL: Ellis:
What's the most embarrassing thing either of your kids have done?

'Hmm. Charon once drew on my police reports as a toddler... that was fun to explain.'

'...It wasn't the most embarrassing thing, though...'

'Go on, tell 'em.'

'Fine...'

'...I was at the doctor, taking Charon for vaccinations and I needed the toilet, so I had to take him in with me. The walls were pretty thin, and everyone heard him say "Daddy! Your willy is sooooo big!"'

'Hehehe, oh my God.'

'It's not funny! Everyone was staring when we came out...'

'Staring at what, exactly?'

'Oh, shush...'

BL00DIEDHELL: What's the most embarrassing thing Heath's ever done?

'Too much to count.'

'Hey, I'm not that bad.'

'Oh, really? What about the time you got absolutely smashed and went on the computer to look for porn, completely incapable of typing?'

'Ah yeah, that one.'

'He wondered why he couldn't find what he wanted then went on PlumbBook, messaging everyone and asking them why they'd hidden the boobs from him.'

'Logan and Ivy ripped the piss for months afterwards.'

'And there was the time he tried to send me a... a pretty lewd picture of himself in his underwear, but he somehow sent it to Edward instead...'

'On the bright side, Ellis enjoyed it when it did go his way.'

'And finally, we went on holiday with the others. Everyone went on a night out and I got dragged along too. I'd never had alcohol before, so I overdid it... that didn't really matter though, I certainly wasn't the only one.'

'So at the end of the night we ended up skinny dipping. We being pretty much all of us. Logan, Raya, Aria, Stan, Nyla, the lot.'

'I didn't really want to, being a bit of a prude, but like I said, I'd been drinking...'

'Ellis was still breastfeeding at the time. If any of you have experience with lactating tits, you'll know they make pretty good weapons.'

'...And this genius here thought it'd be a good idea to suddenly squeeze my chest. I-It went off in Stanley's face...'

'I'll never forget it.'

'Me neither...'

BL00DIEDHELL: Worst/most awkward moment in the force?

'Having to explain that I wanted to go on maternity leave, not paternity leave, was definitely awkward... The second time around, my boss looked at me with this incredulous expression and asked "Again?"

As well as that, I've had my fair share of unpleasant situations on the job, most of them sexual. Including walking in on someone masturbating in the bath...'

BL00DIEDHELL: Heath:Have you been given your very own dog house yet to sleep in?

'...No, but that sounds like a great idea!'

'But we don't have a dog...'

'It wouldn't be for a dog. When we do get one, it can occupy your space in the bed, and you can sleep outside.'

'Hey, I don't do outside. And you'd miss me, wouldn't you?'

'...'

'...Wouldn't you?'

'I dunno. I might get a better night's sleep. And I'd have the covers all to myself.'

'You think a dog wouldn't try to take up all the space?'

'Hmm. That's true. It might have to be a small one.'

BL00DIEDHELL: Has Nix picked up any more less than pleasant words?

'Sorta...'

'Not exactly a word, more a phrase.'

'Sometimes, completely out of nowhere, she'll say "fuck a duck". And if you react at all, she keeps saying it. Wasn't my fault though!'

'But the jury's still out on that one.'

BL00DIEDHELL: How many of Abraxas' porn vids have you watched? 

'Not that many? There's a limit on how many you can watch before you go blind.'

BL00DIEDHELL: How many have you inflicted on Ellis?

'Too many!'

'I found a couple of really horrifying ones. Of course, I sent them to Logan first, but I still felt like I needed to share them with someone else.'

'And he chose me as his victim, because he's such a loving partner.'

'Yet you still put up with me, somehow!'

'Well, I do love you.'

'Awww.'

'I'd love you more if you didn't inflict videos of Abraxas doing unspeakable things to unfortunate women on me, but hey.'

'Sorry El, but there was no way I was keeping that footjob one to myself-'

'Oh God, why.'