Anger management

'At least that's done with.'

'And I fucking swear that if for some reason he ever asks me for a third, I'm going to strap it to a cactus and ram the entire Goddamn thing up his asshole.'

'He'd deserve it.'

'Okay, give me a second, I ought to make a note of this in my stupid pain in the ass pissy anger management journal.'

'It's a more legal alternative to ripping his head clean off and using it to play football.'

'Mm, exactly.'

'Who or what inspired feelings of anger on this occasion? Being hit on by my partner's brother, a man with all the social grace, charisma and model good looks as a particularly aggressive case of anal warts. How did you feel at the time? Like ripping off his penis, stretching it like a piece of well chewed gum, and throttling him to death with it. And what have you learnt? That I would like to jam the business end of an air pump up his urethra and inflate his genitals like the world's worst basketball.'

'...As long as it helps.'

'It has the added bonus of making my therapist laugh when we talk in more detail about these things. The last one probably would've benefited more from an answer like "avoid the fuck out of Tate" but alas, since that wasn't an option, basketball bollocks it is.'

'Oh well. Are you okay?'

'Oh I'll be fine. And don't worry, I'm not completely crazy.'

'It's okay. I'm just sorry he did that.'

'Eh, not your fault, not your problem. Anyway, fuck all of that, let's pretend it didn't happen.'

'You're right. By the way, it was nice seeing you with the girls when they were over here. You're great with kids.'

'Oh, thank you. I haven't been around toddlers for ages, I almost forgot how adorable they can be. Well, adorable sometimes!'

'I know what you mean. I'm glad I had the chance to have one child, at least.'

'And he's such a little cutie too. What was he like as a baby?'

'Good, for the most part. He was very skilled at disappearing, though.'

'Oh God, the disappearing acts. I remember when Zaryn was little, I woke up one morning and she wasn't there. Turns out not only had she escaped her crib, but she'd managed to make it into the kitchen, climbed into a fucking cupboard and thrown the entire contents of an almost full box of cereal all over the floor.'

'Naughty girl! Their faces make it impossible to be mad at them though.'

'Oh God, absolutely.'

'...Although she stuck her tongue out at me when I caught her, the cheeky shit.'

'Wow. I bet you're glad to be past that stage for good.'

'Let's just say that in my experience, the terrible twos definitely lived up to its name!'

'I think I've been lucky, really.'

'...I'm glad you're not opposed to being a part of his life in the future, anyway. I suppose you thought you were done with kids?'

'I can't deny it, I did. Well, apart from occasionally being around my niece's sons, or Maddy's sisters, but that's a bit different.'

'Mm. As I said, I'm grateful to have Vin. I didn't even think I'd end up with one child, the way things were going, and it's not like I'll get the chance to have more.'

'Is a big family something you wanted, then? If you don't mind my asking, that is...'

'I suppose it was. I wanted to be surrounded be a real family. Be able to give the kids all the love I never got...It's probably why I'm so soft with Vin.'

'I can always palm Zaryn off on you if you want. She's about the same age as him mentally.'

'I'm sure they'd get on. What about you, anyway?'

'Oh, to be honest I never thought I'd have kids full stop. Zaryn was unplanned, and until she actually arrived, I was convinced I'd be a terrible mother. Before her, I never felt very maternal.'

'She's a nice young woman. I bet that's down to you.'

'Thank you. I suppose, thinking on it, I've never really given much consideration into what my ideal family would be like.'

'What do you think you'd like, going forward?'

'I'm not sure. On one hand, the idea of expanding my family sounds nice, but on the other hand, I don't know if it's a good idea. Although, uh, I'm not necessarily trying to say something along the lines of "get me pregnant right now", I do want to clarify...!'

'It's okay! I got that. Do you think you'd consider it, then...?'

'Well, I was partly thinking of grandkids as well. The idea of having more children does slightly worry me, but I won't rule anything out.'

'Ah, I see... I never thought it would even enter your head, honestly. I presumed it was completely out of the question.'

'It's not something I've put a lot of thought into, but let's face it... nothing's completely safe.'

'Very true.'

'You've got yourself a little cutie there.'

'Aww, thanks. See, I know you, Ari. You like babies a lot more than you let on.'

'Yeah, I admit it. I don't often give a shit when someone has a kid, but I'm happy for you 'cos it's something you've always wanted. You'll make a great mum.'

'I'll do my best. Ideally, I'd like to adopt kids from the care system as well. I do feel a little bad for not doing that this time. Having another while there are kids out there who need parents.'

'That's harder to do, though. Besides, at least you're willing to do it in the future. Most of these so-called desperate mothers won't even entertain the idea of a child that “doesn't share their blood”.'

'...But I'll stop there. You already know my views.'

'Heh, yeah. You're right, though. Genetics aren't everything. Nobody in this family has any reason to believe in that. That's not limiting it to just Farringtons either: Logan and Heath both have at least one shitty bio parent.'

'With all that going on, sometimes it's hard to believe good ones even exist.'

'Yeah, well, the trend of shitty mothers in our bloodline stops with me. I'm no Olivia or Sheri.'

'Jeez, if I thought you were anything like that, I'd steal Mattie and give them to someone else.'

'I'd encourage you to. There is something that's bothering me, though.'

'What?'

'Tate's twins. Just when we thought he couldn't get to any more kids, stupid Brianne has to go move in with them.'

'Ugh, yeah. Poor girls.'

'...I can't just stand by and do nothing. I have to talk to her.'

'You really think she'll listen?'

'Probably not, but if I don't even try, I'll never forgive myself. I mean, those are our sisters. And you know what Tate's like with girls...'

'Even worse than with boys. Yeah, I haven't forgotten, believe me. Nobody should have to grow up listening to his bullshit.'

'Exactly. I don't want him to have the chance to mess with any more children's heads.'

'And after that shit with Carmella, it's not even the worst thing that could happen to them. He'd probably sell them out to his grubby friends as trophy wives.'

'So we need to get them out of there before they're old enough to be affected by it. Surely if Brianne hears all about it from one of Tate's own daughters, she'll see sense?'

'Doubt it. The dumb bitch doesn't even care about him hitting Zeus, and he's her own nephew.'

'Ugh... Still, it can't hurt to try. I'll go over there one day when he's at work.'

'Don't forget it's the new house now. I'll get you the address from Topaz.'

'Is she allowed to do that?'

'Probably not, but she's on our side. I doubt she'll mind.'