Farrington-Gores: Great tidings of babby

'Hey!'

'Hello honey. Are you alone right now?'

'Yeah, I'm on break at the moment.'

'Again? Either I'm calling you at quite some coincidental times or you do nothing but take breaks!'

'Shhhhhh. It's only a pseudo break, I'm observing Shodan and R7308 at the moment.'

'The way we've designed plumbots is they can be installed with chips to influence their personality and behaviours and they can be swapped out at any time, so I'm hanging out in the corner and leaving them alone in a room with a karaoke machine and a chip that should hopefully influence them towards more musical endeavours. So I'm bumming around while I see if they rise to the bait.'

'...What's a Shodan and an R7-whatever it was?'

'R7308. They're my Plumbots! I got to name them.'

'So how come one has more of a experiment code name than the other?'

'Oh, they're both named after robots from video game history. Shodan's a reference to System Shock and R7308's a reference to Earthbound Beginnings. Actually, we definitely need to get together again to play the MOTHER trilogy, I think you'd enjoy it!'

'...That depends. How much zombie sex would that expose me to?'

'None! Promise. I'm still not forgiven?'

'Zaryn, honey, I love you to pieces but forcing your poor old mother to play bloody Indigo Prophecy is a grave transgression that can never be forgiven.'

'Aww, I'm sorry. So anyway, whatcha calling for, just to say hi?'

'Unfortunately not, I need to be an imposing prick again.'

'Go on.'

'...It's another PND, I'm afraid.'

'Oh no, someone else hasn't been attacked have they?!'

'Only Tate, but who gives a fuck. He got stabbed right in the balls.'

'Uhhh, he's the mayor, right? Couldn't you lose your job for that?'

'...It wasn't me, damn it!'

'Ooops! Sorry!'

'Damn it Zaryn. But no, what happened was I packed up the first PND for Roxxi to take once she fled, then Tate got his balls punctured and he came barging round to my place to demand a second. He's fucking gone as far as to move in his sister-in-law, I mean, his new fuckpiece, I mean his new girlfriend and their three year old twins simply so he can cower behind them like the fucking pathetic piece of shit he is after emotionally blackmailing me into giving him what he wants.'

'...That's messed up.'

'Tell me about it.'

'Okay, I'll get on that and tell you as soon as it's done.'

'Thanks. I'm really sorry to have to put you out like this again -'

'- No, I totally understand, it's okay. Honest.'

'If you're sure?'

'Weeeeeellll, I guess you could always get me a big supply of chocolate to pay me back if you reaaaally wanted to...!'

'Yes yes okay, hint taken!'

'Oooh, better go, looks like one of the bots're finally rising to the bait!'

'Alright, speak soon. I love you.'

'You too!'

'Hey Dad! Come see this, we may have success!'

'Ah, I can hear them already, fantastic.'

♪ DESTROY ALL HUMANS ♪
♪ NOTHING WILL KEEP YOU ALIIIIVE ♪

♪ CYBERNETIC BREAKDOWN - ♪

♪ DESTROY ALL HUMANS ♪
♪ ONLY MACHINES WILL SURVIIIIIVE ♪

♪ CAUSE WE ARE ON A MISSION TO - ♪

♪ DESTROY! ♪

'....'

'...D'you reckon this'll be a precursor to the inevitable robot uprising?'

'Probably.'

'Oooops.'

*ding dong*

'That'll be them!'

'We bring you great tidings of babby!'

'...Don't sssay ssstupid thingsss like that, Blood Dancccer can't facccepalm right now.'

'Sounds like the perfect gift to me! Come inside!'

'How are you?'

'We're good, thanks. Excited. Nervous, too! And you two?'

'Yeah, we're cool. Looking forwards to seeing my cousin too, heard a bit about her job. She's the bodyguard for some guy who, by her description, sounds like a big bag of dicks in human form.'

'That'd be my dad. And that's not an inaccurate description.'

'...Well done.'

'Ooops. Well if it's accurate then maybe it's okay for me to say it?'

'Honestly, it's fine. None of us can stand him.'

'Yeah, call him whatever you want. So, let's see the baby...?'

'Awwww! They're so cute!'

'And they're now all yours! Congrats, Mum and Dad!'

'Thanks. This means a lot to us.'

'No problem!'

'Any ideasss for a name?'

'We decided on Mattie. Nice gender neutral nickname which they could extend in the future, if they start identifying with one gender.'

'I didn't expect 'em to be blue. What colours can you be?'