Farrington-Gores: Poncey friends

'I say, do tell us the juicy details. I've been dying to hear about it.'

'Well, she's very... different to what I was expecting. Father and I were rather taken by surprise.'

'Oh, really? How so?'

'She can be a bit... coarse. She swears a lot, and she's got a lot of tattoos...'

'Oh my, I bet Richard had a heart attack. Still, Cecil and I can hardly remark about the tattoos.'

'I was going to say the same thing. Although ours are a little more hidden.'

'Father definitely disapproves, but she's still going to be the one. Even though most of it is due to having few options...'

'Well, if you ask me, she's going to be a lucky lady.'

'Oh, I quite agree. Still, when she meets the rest of the social circle, she will surely put an effort into being a bit more ladylike. I know I do.'

'Ah yes, you just radiate femininity.'

'Don't I just? I could be the cutest girl in the entire town.'

'Careful, or I may just set my sights upon you.'

'I don't know if she will... Indigo is very strong-willed. She had no qualms about answering back to Father.'

'Will we get to meet her before the wedding?'

'Oh yes. Father will call everyone to a gathering before much longer.'

'Excellent! I'm looking forward to it.'

'Oh wonderful! I'm excited already. Hey, we shall have to plan you a stag do, as well!'

'Yes, leave that to the two of us.'

'...Should I be worried?'

'Absolutely not, we'll stop paying for your tattoos when your rump is covered.'

'I'm not getting a tattoo on the backside like you two!'

'What if it was done in marker pen?'

'No, because knowing you two it'd be something rude.'

'Guilty as charged.'

'Well, I never! Fine, I suppose we shall simply have to resort to getting you well and truly blotto.'

'Oh yes, I'll have to pick a best man, since unfortunately you can't both do it. Is that okay for you, Cecil?'

'I'd be delighted! Hmm, do you know who the maid of honour is yet?'

'No, I don't.'

'Oh Cecil you dog, you're hoping to cop off, aren't you?'

'Perhaps! We'll be dancing together, after all.'

'Oh, I'm jealous now. Quick, ask her if she's got any single lady friends that aren't averse to dancing with a rich ugly guy!'

'I'll pass on your comments.'

'Well thank you. So what does the future Mrs Fortescue look like, anyway? Other than the many tattoos.'

'She has long, dark hair with purple in it... Very pretty. Oh, and she's a genie.'

'Oh, I haven't met a genie before. So does she have her own bottle? Do you have to rub her the right way?'

'Jameson! Don't be perverse.'

'But it's what I'm best at!'

'...Speaking of perverse, I just remembered something... It seems my future father-in-law is... an adult film star.'

'Oh goodness me, don't tell me you recognised him from one of his videos!'

'Y-Yes, I did...'

'How very awkward.'

'...Let's see.'

'I, um, wouldn't recommend it, but his name is Abraxas Gore...'

'And that's his stage name? Because I'm uncertain if his gimmick is either violent pornography, or goring women with his dingle doodle.'

'I don't remember. I only remember his face...'

'...Why is he wearing a Darth Vader helmet?'

'...Is he?!'

'Perhaps it's for the best.'

'Yes, come round here and watch this. I can't see what he looks like because right now he seems to think he's on a Star Wars parody porno.'