World's worst coworker

'Ah, Isaiah, there you are. I've been looking for you. Can I have a word?'

'I really don't have very long on this break. Can't it wait?'

'Not really. I'm afraid it'll just be on my mind until I resolve it.'

'...Go on then.'

'In private?'

'Oh, all right.'

'Make it quick, Miles.'

'...Has your sister spoken to you recently?'

'I have three sisters. Which one?'

'Topaz. I happened to run into her at her workplace the other day and I was wondering if she'd spoken to you about it.'

'...'

'I'll take that as a yes. That's a relief, to be honest. It wasn't something I really wanted to clarify, had you not known.'

'I can see why.'

'I need to ask you. Is Topaz likely to take matters any further? I understand she saw something less than legal, but for obvious reasons, I'd really rather she didn't go to the police, or anything like that.'

'...Rest assured, she isn't going to report what happened. She wasn't the victim, so she can't make that decision for him. And no, I won't say anything either.'

'Well I would be hesitant to call Tate Farrington a victim, but I take your point. Thank you. That's very reassuring to hear.'

'Indeed. I really must be going.'

'Okay. See you later!'

'Not if I see you first.'

'You know, you keep trying to convince me that I matter and people care about me, but it's just not true. I was meant to be going out with Stanley tonight but he ditched me at the last minute for Nyla. I'm just there when there's no other option. Whenever a better offer comes along, I become irrelevant again.'

'I'm very sorry he did that. That was wrong of him. It doesn't mean people don't care, though. The rest of us always want to spend time with you.'

'This is why relationships are bullshit. They turn people into selfish assholes. I don't know why anyone even bothers with friends if they mean that little. Just dropping someone so you can get your dick wet... This is my problem, isn't it? I'm not offering a free-for-all vagina so nobody's interested.'

'Oh Aria. There's much more to life than the prospect of sex. We might know certain people who only want women for that quality, but they're well in the minority.'

'Yeah well, I'm still missing out on it. Whatever "it" is. It's okay for most people because they've got their own boyfriend or girlfriend to obsess over. But I won't. I must be fucking broken or something, because I've never felt like that about anyone.'

'I told Dad I want a bird for Christmas.'

'Aww, nice. What kind?'

'A budgie. I don't know if Santa can bring birds though. But if he can't, Dad could, because Santa isn't the only one who can bring presents.'

'Oooh, well just so long as he doesn't develop a vocabulary like Nix's.'

'Oh no. A naughty sweary budgie!'

'Exactly.'

'You're not broken. You never know, you could still meet someone-'

'Until they dump me for not putting out.'

'Well, maybe you'll meet someone like you. You're far from the only asexual person in the world.'

'I've never met another.'

'Don't rule it out. And remember, romantic relationships aren't the most important kind. For me personally, I need friends and family just as much. You don't want to spend all of your time with one person. It would be stifling.'

'If you say so.'

'Have I ever ditched you so far?'

'Well no, but you don't have time for everyone. I'll be the last priority. I always am.'

'Still, I'm sure Santa will trust you to be a good influence on a budgie.'

'I read all about how to look after one! We could be best friends. Do you know how to tell the difference between a girl and a boy?'

'No, I don't.'

'The thing above its beak is called a cere, and it's blue for a boy and brown for a girl!'

'Oooh, I see. Well I learnt something new today!'

'I need to go pee now. See you!'

'Ah, alright then.'

'Aria, I promise, no matter what happens, I will always have time for you. If you need me, call me. If I'm in the middle of something, I'll get back to you as soon as I'm finished. Nothing's changed, and nothing will change.'

'...Look, it's okay. I'm not guilt tripping you. Or at least, that's not my intention. I'm glad you've found someone to be with. I'm really happy for you.'

'...Uh, sorry for interrupting, it was a little hard not to overhear. Could I make an interjection?'

'...Go on.'

'...I just wanted to say that I have no intention of monopolising all of Edward's time. I very much understand that his family is important, and I don't want to get in the way or put a strain on any pre-existing relationships you all have. It's the same with Vincent, I don't mind backing off when I need to, and understand that Edward comes as a package.'

'...I didn't mean to sound like some overly-clingy bitch. Sorry. I wasn't implying you'd do that.'

'No, it's fine, you don't sound overly clingy or anything like that. To be honest this has been something I've wanted to say for a while and just wasn't too sure how to bring it up. But it sounded like you could do with the reassurance.'

'I know I could really do with some therapy. Everything's left me a total paranoid, bitter mess.'

'Understandable. You've been through a lot. ...I apologise if I'm overstepping the mark here, but there are dating sites for asexuals, you know. If you do want to meet someone and not have to fuck around with sex. No pun intended.' 

'And put what on it? "Bad-tempered bitch with profoundly screwed up family seeks tolerant man who won't run a mile"?'

'Hey, if I seriously went on a dating site it'd read something like "foul tempered and foul mouthed cunt, older than your great-great-grandparents seeks slightly insane masochist. No offence.'

'I might be of questionable mental health, but I'm no masochist.'

'But seriously though, there's no reason why you can't do it if you want to. Your friends and family could help tweak a profile, remind you of your good qualities. I know it's a bit cheesy, using a dating site, but if it works, fuck it. The asexual one I saw didn't seem too bad.'

'...Maybe I'll have a look. You seem really nice. What are you doing getting involved with this family?'

'Thank you. And because, Tate aside, you all seem really nice as well.'

'Aww, thanks. That's not something I hear often. Though beating people with bats doesn't help my case.'

'Meh, I've kicked people in the bollocks before, I can't judge.'

'...As long as you don't do that to me.'

'Rest assured, you're safe from me!'

'Good!'