Heal

 A couple of months later…

‘Are you sure I’ll be okay? I still don’t know about this.’

‘Counselling is what you make of it. You can tell them as much or as little as you like, but the more you open up, the more they can help.’

‘But how does it help? Just talking to someone? I mean, I can talk to you.’



‘I’m too closely involved in the situation. By all means, I’m happy to talk to you any time, but I can’t provide what an external counsellor can. Aside from that, the counsellor will listen to your problems and try to help you deal with your feelings. It often benefits people to get things off their chest, so to speak. And it doesn’t put the emotional burden on family, to dwell on it. We’re all going through the same thing, here. If we’re all constantly offloading onto each other, every one of us will be miserable. But the counsellor isn’t involved, so it won’t burden them.’

‘Right, but… can’t I just try to forget the whole thing?’

‘I’m afraid that never works. You just end up burying things until they all come spilling out later, one way or another.’



‘Yeah, I guess… And God knows I’ve had enough outbursts over the years.’

‘You’ll be okay, Aria.’

‘Edward… what if they don’t believe me?’



‘Then you find someone else. You don’t have to stick with them if they aren’t helpful.’

‘They’re not gonna buy any of it. I certainly can’t tell the full truth. I can’t go around accusing Tate of being a murderer without any proof. I’ll look unhinged.’

‘Oh God… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that there’s no proof of the murder.’



‘There’s no proof of the abuse, either.’

‘But bringing that up won’t prompt the therapist to call the police.’

‘Would they have to, if I told them about Sheri?’



‘No, they’re not legally obliged. In practice, you don’t know if they would or wouldn’t go ahead and do it anyway. Either way, they aren’t going to put you on trial and demand proof of being abused. They’re not setting out to disbelieve you. Murder… is a different beast.’

‘Yeah, especially with how it happened. “My grandmother mind controlled her daughter and my dad ordered her to kill herself, so it looked like a suicide”. Who’d believe that?’

‘It’s known that some vampires have powers over mind control, but it is a little ridiculous-sounding… That’s what makes it the perfect crime. Still, what you tell the therapist is up to you.’



‘I don’t know what to do for the best, though. That’s why I’m asking you. I can’t be trusted to make a fucking decision without you.’

‘You know that isn’t true.’

‘I’m just saying, you know better about this kind of thing. I trust what you say.’



‘So this comes down to what you’re worrying about the most. You’re anxious about Roxxi and the triplets because they live with a killer. But will telling a therapist about that alleviate that anxiety, when telling them would just cause you more anxiety over whether they’re going to report it to anyone? Is that risk worth it when you know none of us have the means to bring him to justice regardless? Is it worth angering Tate with an accusation that won’t go anywhere? Will any of that achieve the goal you’re trying to meet by attending therapy in the first place?’

‘I don’t even know what that is. You’re the one who pushed me to go. You tell me about the aims of therapy, but I don’t even know what to really do.’

‘Then think about it. What do you really want?’



‘I want Tate to fall into a very painful wormhole and stop existing.’

‘Realistically.’

‘…You’re right, I want to stop feeling anxious over that. So I want to come to terms with it, I guess. I want to be prepared to step in if I need to and help those kids and Roxxi while ever I’m around to do it. Which I will be, ‘cos I’m certainly not going anywhere and I’m not offing myself either. But I’m not sure how I can convey that to a therapist without mentioning the murder. Because you’re right. It’s not worth the hassle of bringing it up.’



‘Tate abused you and he treats his wife like shit, if you’ll excuse my language. You’re worried about him doing the same to the triplets, and you resent the current situation. They will be with him for the foreseeable future, so you want to be able to cope with that so your own mental health isn’t compromised. Is any part of that a lie?’

‘…No. See, this is why you should be doing it-’

‘It should be perfectly doable to convey that message to the therapist without mentioning the small side note of uxoricide.’

‘What?’

‘Killing your wife.’



‘There really is a word for everything, isn’t there?’

‘Yes, there is. But does that help you?’

‘…It does, yeah. That clears it up.’

‘Good. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re not going to be put on trial. It’s just meant to help.’

‘Thanks a lot, Edward.’

‘Any time.’




‘I just… sorry, I’m awkward… I have low self-esteem after the fire. I’m worried that my scars make me ugly. That’s what Mum and Dad thought, anyway… They said I was useless and couldn’t even be married off because I’m ugly. It was hard enough to deal with… I had to have dressings changed often, I had to stay out of the sun for a long time, even after they’d healed… And people stare when they’re uncovered. But sometimes it’s too hot to wear long sleeves all the time. So I’m not bold enough to do anything about it. And because I’m so shy and unconfident, I don’t have any friends. I’m worried about going back to school next year because my sister will have left and I’ll have no-one to sit with. I’m kind of a sad person…’

…



‘I fucking hate him with every fibre of my being. I’m serious. I know how dramatic that sounds, but I can’t express how much I want him dead. He’s the worst person in the world! Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled not to live with him any more, but I can’t forget that he exists! Every single problem we have leads back to him! I can’t just let it go so easily. It’s like he took a torpedo through all of our lives. It was Edward who wanted me to do this. I wasn’t sure, at first, but he knows what he's talking about. He said I’m not fucked up or disturbed. I think he was being kind, but… I also don’t think he’d lie to me. He believes me. I was just worried that you wouldn’t… It’s hard, okay? I find it hard to express myself. I’m not used to being taken seriously.’

…



‘I have so many regrets. I’ve been so useless throughout all of this. I’m such a coward. There’s been so many times where I should’ve done something but held my tongue because I was too scared of Dad. I was always afraid of what he could do. How he’d take it out on us. But by staying quiet, I just let him carry on hurting my sisters. I could’ve prevented so much of this. I don’t even know how they can stand to look at me. I’d hate me if I were them. I hate myself. I tried to shield them, but I didn’t do enough. Aria was the one who’d answer back, stand up to him, and get shit for it. Why could I never do that? Now we’re all here needing counselling. But I don’t deserve any sympathy. Aria and Saraya do, but not me.’

…



‘I wish I had acted so much sooner. I could have prevented all of this from happening, if only I had just taken those children and left. It’s too late now. The damage is done. All they can do is try to get better. And I have to be better than this. It’s so, so wrong that they’re supporting me! I’m their uncle! Yet they have to deal with the complete mess that I am. It’s not right. I… I’m an alcoholic. Please… help me stop drinking, for them. I can do nothing in this state.’

…



‘I’m still a bit awkward around the gas fire and things like that, but I’m actually finding cooking a lot of fun. The others say they like the food I make, so that’s nice. I know it’s not a group hobby, so it’s not going to help me meet new people, but it’s good to do something you enjoy, right? It’s relaxing. And I actually feel useful for doing it. And without going into sexist stereotypes, it’s a useful skill to have when trying to attract a partner, isn’t it? If anybody’d have me… I’m not going to be a little wife or anything like that, but I just think it’d be nice, if anyone could get past the scars…’

…



‘I actually like this new job. Stanley is a good boss. I’ve been out with him a couple of times, so… Bad as it is, he’s probably the first friend I’ve ever made. Edward was right about him. But then he tends to be right about a lot of things.’

…



‘I don’t have time for a personal life. Honestly, that suits me. Who’d want to be part of this family, anyway? Besides, I have Charon to think about. I’m fine with my computer and the internet. I never was great at socialising.’

…



‘Yes, I’m aware… I know all of this. I’ll have to radically alter my social life. No more going to the pub. Home isn’t an issue; Ellis doesn’t drink, and Aria won’t mind keeping alcohol out of the house. I think they’ll have to confiscate my wallet too… it’s been a long time since I’ve had to exercise this much impulse control.’

…



‘It was always hard when they argued. I was never brave enough to stand up for myself, but Aria defended me a lot. She even punched Mum one time… It sounds awful, but she’s a good person. She’s kind most of the time. Isn’t usually rude to people unless they provoke her… Except Roxxi, but even they get on okay now. Which is a relief, because I really like Roxxi. I’d take her over Olivia or Dad any day, to be honest.’

…



‘I think my behaviour’s improved a lot since he moved out. Obviously, it doesn’t help whenever he has to visit, but hey. He brought out the worst side in me. I know it’s wrong to yell and throw things, but nobody else sets me off like that. I’m not making excuses for my behaviour… I really want to be a good person. But I think not even a saint could put up with that putrid waste of life. It’s just that we’re not free of him permanently. I think Edward was right, it is good to get it off my chest here. Since we’re not lucky enough for Tate to be hit by a bus any time soon, I have to live with the fact that he exists. And that means not letting him twist me into being a horrible person. I don’t like how angry and aggressive he makes me. But still, if he ever treats any of my little siblings in the same way he treated me, all bets are off. He’s not doing it to anyone else and getting away with it.’

…



‘It’s difficult not to take the self-blame route. I know it’s not constructive, though. But there just isn’t really much to like about me, at least right now. I could try to be more assertive, but some things about me will never change. I am what I am. I’ve tried to make myself be normal, but it doesn’t work. I shouldn’t care about Dad’s opinion, but… I’m everything he hates. Everything he never wanted. He sees the triplets as his chance to do it properly. To get a real son who isn’t me…’

…



‘Oh, please, no rehab. I’ll happily see the alcohol guidance counsellor and take the medication once I finally begin detoxing. I’ll even go into group therapy so long as it isn’t AA. But after everything, I don’t want to leave the kids’ side. I’ll try, I honestly will. But I don’t think I can do it without them close by. I need them right by me as a reminder of just what I’m fighting for…’