Farrington-Gores: Potions of dubious use

'So Heath joined in?'

'He pretty much led it. I think he really enjoyed himself. Probably doesn't give a damn about the environment, but never mind.'

'Yeah, about that. I think you might have a point, you know.'

'...Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that!'

'The Tiberium thing, I mean. I'm still going to use my body spray no matter how much you bitch about aerosols-'

'You might attract more girls if you stopped...'

'...Excuse me?'

'Tristan, nobody's attracted to the stench of Lynx. Nobody.'

'And you're an expert at attracting girls?'

'No, but I know what's attractive in men. You don't see the likes of Mr Bolton wearing it-'

'Mr Bolton?!'

'...Fuck, I didn't mean to say that out loud.'

'Wait, Zeus, don't you fancy Stanley?'

'Him too? Greedy, aren't you?'

'Guys! Can we not discuss this please?!'

'...And that's just on the male side. Which girls do you fancy, then?'

'Fuck that, I'm not telling. What about you?'

'Nyla's pretty nice to look at.'

'Oh God, if you even think about calling her a MILF I'm gonna get Jude to body slam you.'

'I'd do it, too!'

'Jeez, okay. So what about you, Carmella?'

'My heart belongs to the wrestlers, sorry to say. But they're too old for me. So it's the single life for me, at least 'til uni.'

'Still bet they're not as old as Mr Bolton, or Stanley...'

'Nyla's older than both of them, just so you know.'

'Shit, really?'

'Oh yeah, she's actually older than Mum.'

'Well she doesn't look it.'

'Hey guys! What did I miss?'

'Talking about crushes. Who's yours?'

'Uhh.... well, I, um... don't have one.'

'Boring.'

'I know. But this surprise ought to make up for it!'

'What surprise?'

'Ta-da!'

'What's that?'

'A potion, dumbass.'

'Of course it's a potion! I meant, what type of potion?'

'A Bladder Flow potion. If you drink it, you piss yourself.'

'...No offence, but why's that a good thing? Who wants to piss themselves?'

'None of us, obviously. But if we happened to slip it into someone's drink...'

'Ohhh. I get you now!'

'So who's our victim gonna be?'

'My suggestion is Hazel.'

'It's a good idea, Jude, but I don't want to die.'

'Good point.'

'Besides, I had someone else in mind. Tristan, if you'd like to help...?'

'...Father, right?'

'Of course. You could easily spike his coffee with it. He trusts you, he'd never suspect a thing!'

'Wow, Charon, I love the way you think.'

'Why thank you.'

'Heheh, that's amazing. Sure I'll do it.'

'You'd better fill me in on the results!'

'Will do!'

'Hey, sexy. Good to see you. You're lookin' damn fine, as usual.'

'Good to see you too! I'm glad we're going somewhere nice today. I must admit, there's only so much of the Old Horse pub I can stand.'

'You're tellin' me it ain't the classiest joint in town?'

'Not even the classiest place on that street. At least the other bars don't have that greasy, hairy drunk who stinks the place out.'

'Ah, Bryan.'

'You know him?

'Know of him. He's been goin' there years. I used to see him often when I went with Edward, back in the old days.'

'Lucky you.'

'Hey, you shoulda seen our karaoke nights. No-one believes me but we do a great Reach for the Stars.'

'Oh, that I have to see.'

'He only used to sing when he was drunk, though. And since he don't drink no more, it might never happen again.'

'Damn...'

'Ooh, I know! We should do some karaoke!'

'I like that idea.'

'Yeah, we could set up a machine, gather all the gang and make a night of it. I could bring my best Lady Gaga. Bad Romance, complete with dancing.'

'...Wow. I'm not sure I can handle that.'

'Hehe. Thanks, anyway.'

'For what?'

'...Letting me feel like a person again, and not just a mum. Not that I don't love that, but you make me feel... I dunno, attractive.'

'Come on, you don't need me for that. You're stunnin'.'

'Aww. ...I should probably act more my age, I know.'