Farrington-Gores: Comfort

‘What’s the latest from Sunset Valley?’

‘Same old, for me, but I’m afraid I’m probably out of the loop. I know Logan was playing for a wedding last week.’

‘A wedding, huh? I should ask them about that…’

‘What about you, anyway? How are you doing?’

‘I can’t lie, Maria. I’m struggling more than I thought I would. I thought once I got away, things would be much easier. Well, they are, but I’m not getting better as quick as I hoped.’

‘You’ve been through a trauma. These things take some time to heal. You were together for seventeen years. That’s a really long time.’

‘I just feel so guilty. I stayed all that time because I was scared of what would happen if I left, and in a way I was right to be. It’s really, really hard. Starting a whole new life here, and settling in. But because I stayed, I exposed the kids to all kinds of pain, and now I’ve messed them up.’

‘You didn’t mess them up, honey. Tate did that.’

‘Carmella is terrified of men now. She’s my little girl, and I didn’t protect her. I could have done so much more! You can’t defend me here. It’s not even the worst for her. Zeus got hit in the face and Tristan had his eye cut out because of me!’

‘Okay, no, you can’t seriously blame yourself for what happened to Tristan? Tate having this… feud with a psychopath happened long before you came along, didn’t it? That was nothing to do with you! Miles attacked Tristan when you were in the process of leaving. You were already trying to get out of there at that point. Same with Zeus, same with Carmella and the marriage.’

‘I knew for years myself that Tate emotionally abused his other children and killed his wife.’

‘But he didn’t abuse yours for a long time. Only later on, once you were already in the process of leaving. There’s the favouritism, but the biggest example of that happened on the kids’ sixteenth birthday. It’s not like you stood back and watched him treat them like shit. You made that decision to leave when you had to, even under fear of being killed yourself. You did that knowing it’d be difficult, and you moved to a whole new country where you have no friends. You abandoned everything in Sunset Valley in order to keep your children safe.’

‘But I’m too fucking late! The damage is done! To all of us!’

‘And you’re all healing, slowly. Your kids are going to go to university and have a great time. Tristan has a girlfriend, Zeus has a boyfriend, and Carmella will date when she’s ready. Sweetheart, I know how much they love you. None of them blame you at all. I talk to Tristan all the time at work, and he never has a bad word for you. Baby, I’m really worried about you. It must be killing you to hate yourself this much.’

‘I’ve just made mistake after mistake.’

‘Is the therapy helping?’

‘Yeah, it is…’

‘And the medication?’

‘I’m not sure… I don’t think so. I don’t feel as good as I could, that’s for sure.’

‘You should go back and tell the doctor. You might need a stronger dose.’

‘You’re right, I should.’

‘Please tell the therapist all this. You can’t live with so much guilt. I just wish I was there in person.’

‘I miss you a lot… But you don’t need this. I’m scared for us, Maria…’

‘Why?’

‘Because this distance is really tough. Because I’m not in a good place to be a good partner right now. Because you came along when I was already broken, and you do nothing but support me, and I don’t really give it back. You’re in a long-distance relationship with a miserable woman, and I just think, you could be spending your time with someone else who you can actually see in person, someone fun. You’d think dating a porn star would be a lot more fun than this.’

‘Oh, Roxxi… You know it was never about dating a porn star, right? That never even came into it.’

‘I know. It was just a shit joke.’

‘I liked you because you were cute and funny. When we got to spend time together, when you got to unwind a bit, I saw the real you. And we can relate to each other, both former teen mums. I don’t want anyone else. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time. I wouldn’t even know where to start to find someone like you.’

‘The point would be to find someone not like me.’

‘Well, someone not like you would be wrong for me. You don’t mind the fact that I’m a grandma, and you don’t want any extra kids. Are you really worried about us two together, Roxxi…?’

‘It hasn’t been a conventional relationship at all… I feel bad that we started out as an affair, because you deserved better than that. I wish we’d met under different circumstances. I start worrying when I think about that. I wish you were here. I’d try to be a better girlfriend. Well, I will anyway, but it’d be easier.’

‘I don’t think you’re a bad girlfriend at all. But you’re right, if we were together in person, it’d be better.’

‘I know I just got out of the wife role, but I’d still be happy to do most of the stuff around the home. And of course I’d contribute financially, too.’

‘You want to live together?’

‘Yeah… one day.’

‘That’d be nice. We should probably take it step by step, though. Your kids don’t even know about us yet.’

‘Yeah, you’re right. I should tell them. I didn’t want to put it on them too soon, but…’

‘No, it’s a valid concern. It would’ve been wrong to rush it. You tell them whenever you feel comfortable.’

‘Yep, I will. You can tell Logan, though, I think he’s more than old enough to understand. If he doesn’t find it too weird…’

‘I… guess that’d mean he and Raya share a stepmum? Oh.’

‘I hadn’t considered that…’

‘Me neither. But still. If you’re really serious about us, I am, too. We won’t be long distance forever. We’ll find a way to be together properly. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah, it is. I’d be even worse without you. I’d do my best for you. That doesn’t sound too desperate, does it?’

‘No, honey, but you don’t need to worry about us. I know you’d do your best. You don’t need to prove yourself to me. Just keep on looking after yourself. Talk to the doctor and the therapist, and keep talking to me. I’m really proud of you.’

‘I’m glad you believe in me… I just hope I don’t let you down.’

‘You won’t.’

‘Hey, how are you doing?’

‘Not great. To be honest, Landon, I ain’t gonna be good company. Sorry, but I don’t think I can do much for you today.’

‘I’m not expecting you to be good company or do anything for me. I’m just concerned, that’s all.’

‘I’ve had worse hits than this. I’m used to taking beatings; it ain’t a big deal.’

‘Look, I know you’re tough. But it’s not about that. I wanted to be emotional support.’

‘…I ain’t good at accepting that.’

‘We don’t have to talk about what happened, unless you want to. But you probably shouldn’t be on your own right now. Not when you feel so shit.’

‘Alright.’

‘…Can I kiss you?’

‘Yeah, sure.’

‘…You won’t tell anyone if I do open up to you, will you?’

‘No, of course not. I’ve told you before, Seth. What happens between us stays that way. As much as you want it to, anyway…’

‘You know it’s hard for me to talk about myself.’

‘Yeah, I do. And you know that no amount of vulnerability will make me respect you less. You don’t have to worry about keeping up an image to impress me… because you always do.’

‘…I’m mostly upset about losing Lieutenanthood and the Boss’ respect. Not ‘cos I like him or give a shit about his opinions, but it put me in a good position. I ain’t got much else.’

‘I don’t think you’ll lose everyone else’s respect overnight, though. There’s people who agree with you and think you did the right thing… They just wouldn’t admit it in front of Blake and his loyalists.’

‘Yeah, maybe. I think I’m gonna have to prove myself though. I might start booking myself onto the card again. I chose to accept a beating, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fucking fight.’

‘If that’s what you want, why not.’

‘I’m gonna have to meet with Roza too, tell her I’ll have to see her less. Be more discreet. Now I’ve been branded a traitor, if I’m seen with her…’

‘Shit, yeah, that could be bad.’

‘I just can’t wait for when this shit’s over.’

*knock knock*

‘You’re popular today.’

‘Hey.’

‘Oh God! What happened?’

‘Come in, don’t just hang around.’

‘Who did that?’

‘Blake and Tracy. I’ve been punished.’

‘Because of me?’

‘Nah, they found out about me giving info to Stan. Something about the Gallos attacking the mayor in the toilet.’

‘I heard about that! We all had a bit of a brainstorm. Charon’s dad called us around to talk about the failed plan.’

‘Who’s “us”?’

‘Charon, Aria, Nyla and Stanley, Mr Farrington and his girlfriend… We were talking about what to do next.’

‘Was anything decided?’

‘Well, Charon’s dad still wants to get back at Austin. Can’t blame him. But we didn’t decide on what to do. What do you think?’

‘It ain’t anything to do with me, Jude. They’ve already labelled me a snitch. So I’m better off staying out of any plans against one of us.’

‘Oh, sorry… Man, I’m sorry about what Blake did to you. It looks nasty.’

‘It’s alright. When I found out Austin hit you and he used to beat Nyla, I had to do what I did. I was stupid and I wasn’t careful enough, but it was the right thing to do. Just now I gotta pick up the pieces, but I won’t stand in the way if one of your lot wants to get back at him.’