PlumbBook

'Whatcha doin'?'

'Jesus Christ, right now feeling as though my personal space has been killed. Can you back off a bit?'


'Oh. Sorry... So... what are you doing?'


'Trying to remember my log in details for PlumbBook. I had an idea last night - now that we're out of Devil's Port, maybe I can get in touch with Lazarus again without him telling us to fuck off.'

'...Do you think he would've said that before...?'

'If I'd ran away as an abused fifteen year old and gotten a message from siblings still living with my abuser, you bet your ass I would've.'


'Yeah, but you're, well...you.'

'I'll try to not take that personally.'

'I mean, you're more aggressive than Lazarus was. Is?'

'I know, I was joking, Wed.'

'Oh.'


'Great! I got my password right. I really wasn't sure if I'd be able to remember it, haven't logged in for ages.'

'How come? I still check mine.'

'...I made the mistake of accepting Abraxas' friend request.'


'...What did he do...?'

'...Let's just say he posted previews of his "work".'

'Oh nooo...!'

'Yeah. So I blocked him, and thought long and hard about what I'm doing with my life.'


'Is "long and hard" really what you want to say when talking about Dad's work?'


'For fuck's SAKE Wednesday.'

'...Sorry...'


'Huh. Lazarus hasn't blocked me. ...Oh. That's an...interesting photo he's got.'




'I had no idea Lazarus was gay...'

'Me neither. Good for him, but Jesus Christ, it looks like him and his boyfriend are producing some serious suction in that kiss. I'd be terrified of getting pulled in too.'

'Does he still talk lots?'


'Let me answer that by reading you his "about me".'

'Oh...um, if you must...?'

'I must.

"Greetings PlumbBook!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am, as you can see, Lazarus Magus Gore. I am twenty years old and current reside in Twinbrook, Simnation. I live with my darling long term partner of two years, Deveron Rumen Shoel, his employees, and our sweet one year old son Rumen.

I am originally from Devil's Port, the city twinned with Bridgeport and left home five years ago. I haven't looked back since and life has only gotten sweeter and sweeter.

Born a human, as a child I studied intently the art of alchemy and once I had perfected the recipe, crafted myself a bottled witch's brew to turn myself into a...well, the name gives it away! Since starting my new life as a supernatural, I've dedicated myself to not only selling my alchemical produce, but mastering the art of biomancy."

So... Yeah.'


'OhmyGodhehasababy?!'

'That's what it says.'

'So cute!'

'Jesus Wed, calm down.'

'Are there photos?!'


'I'll ask him about it if or when he replies, okay?'

'Can we be nosy and look at his boyfriend at least?'

'There's some posts on his wall, so...sure. Let's snoop. Maybe there'll be an explanation of whatever the fuck biomancy is.'


'Yessss!'


'...Oh God.'

'What, what?'

'Look at this.'


'...Ummm...what does that say...?'

'...You read that right.'

'..."Happy Valentine's Day, my big manly studdly teddy bear of loveliness! <3" That's...that's a joke, right...? Lazarus isn't really into...um, whatever that is? Right? ...Right? How did Laz reply...?'


'..."Thank you, my sexy sultan of stamina, and a glorious Valentine's Day to you too." Jesus Christ. Jesus CHRIST.'


'Wow.'

'Oh my God, Wed. Lazarus called this guy his "sugar coated chocolate Wolverine". I'm sending him a message and logging the fuck out, this is clearly our punishment for snooping.'

'I don't have any words...'

'I do: fucking kill me.'