“Okay, so hopefully now is our chance. Remember what we agreed, and it'll be fine.”
“It's a lovely house. Just perfect for your dear triplets. And the dinner was simply perfect. Now then, I just wish to talk to Tristan, Carmella and Zeus alone. But I'm sure there will be no problems.”
“Yes, of course. Go right ahead.”
“Hello, children. I'd just like to ask you a few questions. Carmella, you first. Now then, what do you like to do in your spare time?”
“Oh, I like wrestling.”
“Wrestling?”
“Yeah! Did you see that ladder match last Sunday! It was brutal! So much blood.”
“I see...”
“Yeah, Carmella's always loved violence! She knows how to use force to get her own way. She always wins.”
“Damn right!”
“Another thing you need to know about her is that she's prone to...uh... possession!”
“Possession? What do you mean?”
“Sometimes, she appears at the bottom of my bed at midnight, totally drained of colour, and levitates there, all limp like a rag doll! She asks for a blood sacrifice and even brings her own knife! I can usually get her back into bed though. This happens at least once a week!”
“Yeah, sir, the spirits really like me! It's because I'm so kind and welcoming.”
“That's...lovely. Zeus, how about you?”
“I just think that we should all become one with nature. If I see someone driving on their own in a truck, for example, I find it later and slash the tyres. We are all responsible for the environment. I don't like fossil fuels, or should I say, fossil fools. There is no Planet B, Mr Conn. And as for Tiberium... One day we will all die and it will be our own fault. Before that, mutations will destroy the genepool for good and Sunset Valley will be nothing but radioactivity.”
“Are you sorry, Mr Conn? You should be.”
“Yes. At this moment, I am very sorry. Tristan? What about you?”
“I used Father's credit card to buy a digging machine. Then when it came, I used it to dig down into our garden to look for gems. I hit the main water pipe and flooded the entire street. I blamed it on our babysitter and she got fired. We never liked her anyway. She's not Saraya.”
“Okay, I think I've heard enough.”
“But don't you want to know about the rest of our family, Mr Conn? Our oldest brother gave birth through his butt at our parents' wedding, the same day we were born! His alien son is our nephew and best friend. Our oldest sister has a violent temper and lives with two members of a failing Satanist cult band and a convict. Our other sister nearly burnt to death as a toddler! Then our uncle is the school counsellor but he used to be the drunk hobo at the Old Horse Pub. And Father missed Julius' birth because he was in a hot tub with ladies with big boobies.”
“Thank you, children. I'm going to go... talk with your parents.”
“Of course, sir.”
“Hahaha! I think that might have actually worked!”
“I'm a genius.”
“All that last bit was true though!”
“Not the bit about Logan's friends. I think. They're not a cult, are they..?”
“I don't think they are...”
“Well? How was it?”
“Look, I'm sorry, but I think at some point our wires have got crossed.”
“What I am trying to say is that despite your endless money and perfect house, Mr Farrington, I am not prepared to let your foul little children anywhere near my establishment!”
“What the hell are you talking about? We had an agreement!”
“I no longer care for it! There is something incredibly twisted about your entire family, and I want no part in it! Good day to you, sir!”
“This will not do.”
“Hey, listen... I'm not so keen on sending them away anyway. I'd much rather keep them with us. Wouldn't you? I know how much you love them.”
“I do, that's why I wanted the best for them... fine. For now, so be it. They'll go to the community school. But I'm not happy about it.”
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