“So, what do you want
from the new year?”
“Family harmony?
Probably unlikely, but at least there won't be any more surprise
babies, or deaths... Not that Vincent isn't a cute baby, or that I
wasn't happy to see Olivia bite the dust...what about you?”
“Become a rock star,
if only so I don't have to hear Heath complaining about working in
the supermarket. Apart from that I'd like a nice year with my lovely
girlfriend...”
“You do flatter me.
Oh, hang on. That's my phone.”
“Hello?”
“Saraya, can you help
us? Mum's gone into labour as you can probably hear.”
“Owwwwwww!”
“The boys are
freaking out and I'm the only one who hasn't lost their mind! There's no hope of an ambulance either because of it being New Year!”
“It's not that bad,
kids, I swear- ouch!”
“Where's our Dad?”
“I don't know! He
left ages ago and hasn't come back!”
“I saw him at your birth, he wouldn't be much help anyway...”
“What's going on,
Saraya?”
“Roxxi's having the
baby. It'll probably be born tomorrow, unless she has it 10x quicker
than last time.”
“I suppose having
triplets might loosen you up a bit...”
“Gross, Logan.”
“Please can you come
over?”
“No, I'm sorry, but I
don't think I'm really welcome there anymore. That and I'm still
traumatised from last time.”
“On the bright side,
at least this one's not an anal birth- hey, Charon! No offence.”
“What do you mean, no
offence?”
“You don't know about
where you came from? No sex ed yet?”
“We had sex ed for humans! They didn't say anything about aliens. What are you
implying, Logan?”
“Oh man, I probably
shouldn't be the one to tell you if you didn't know already...”
“Guys, now isn't
really the time-”
“I wasn't born the
normal way, then...”
“No, kid, to be
blunt... you came out of your dad's ass. Sorry.”
“That...changes my
whole world view, to be honest.”
“Hey, cheer up! It
doesn't matter, does it? I can tell you without a doubt that he loves
you!”
“Yeah, but an ass,
Logan! No wonder that evil teacher at school called me a
butt-child...I wasn't made with love.”
“Jeez, is that what
they told you? Listen, no-one else in your family was either. They
were made from a financial arrangement that ended in a murder, or a
man in a 20-year midlife crisis buying porn stars online-”
“Logan!”
“Uh, don't say that
to your friends, Charon.”
“So Carmella, love,
I'm so sorry but there's nothing I can do. Just wait it out and I'm
sure you'll have your little brother or sister soon.”
“Oh, fine- Tristan,
where are you going?!”
“Turns out labour
lasts for hours! Who knew? There's still time for me to play in the
treehouse yet. Let me know when you see the head.”
“Are you serious?!”
“I could really use
some help right now!”
“Sorry mum, she's not
coming!”
“Are you saying my
only hope is two of my triplets and not a single person over the age
of 10?!”
“Looks like it!”
Hours of agony
later...
“My stepchildren and
husband may have abandoned me in my time of need but everything is
just fine, no problems whatsoever...”
“Oh, it's a boy! Why
didn't you have a girl?”
“Right now, darling,
all I'm having is a stiff drink! Happy new bloody year!”
And so Julius
Farrington came into the world, probably to spend much time in his
lovely nursery.
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