The Statue™

"So she had me thinking we'd be wearing fucking pink bridesmaid dresses..."

"And you're not?"

"Nope. She was pranking me. Kept it up for three days while I pretended to be alright with it, then she just burst out laughing and told me she was taking the piss."

"That's amazin'! Damn, I'm impressed."

"Me too. Well, for that she's definitely getting strippers."

"What're you gonna do?"

"Laugh."

"Ah, that's my Aria. What if one grinds on you or somethin'?"

"All part of the fun. It'll be worth it."

"Oh yeah, I got my own invitation from Logan. To both the weddin' and his stag."

"Awesome. I did hear him say he wanted you there the other day."

"I ain't been on a stag night since my cousin's... That was one hell of a party. His twin stripped him naked and tied him to a sign advertisin' a church group. Got arrested but he's a lawyer, so he got himself outta that one easy enough."

"I hope poor Logan doesn't have anything like that!"

"Probably will. You know what Heath's like."

"I know what you're like too."

"Haha, yeah. So I need a plus one for this weddin'."

"Yeah?"

"I was wonderin' if I should ask Nyla... you know, from work."

"Nyla who delivers boxes of crap for the store whose ass you totally don't stare at while she does heavy lifting?"

"Oh, shut up."

"I know you, Stanley Cooper. You're about as subtle as... as..."

"As what?"

"As that fucking thing! Are you kidding me?!

"Oh jeez... what the fuck is that?!"

"Has his ego really spiralled that far out of control?"

"Well sure it has, this is Tate we're talkin' about..."

"Let's take a closer look."

"Wow. Where's his fuckin' shirt?"

"Where's his fucking brain?! Because the last thing Sunset Valley needed was a Goddamn Tate statue!"

"Holy..."

"You're dying to laugh, aren't you?"

"I can't help it... it's too fuckin' funny..."

"I'm going to vandalise that thing, you watch me-"

"Hang on. If you really wanna do somethin', at least wait 'til it's night. Plan it out in advance, don't just rush in there. The possibilities are endless!"

"You're right... I'm coming back for you, just you wait..."