Saturday, 8 July 2017
Shitting on Twilight
“So this man called Edward moved in with us, and apparently he's my dad's uncle so that makes him my...”
“Great uncle.”
“Yeah. He used to be homeless but my dad took him in. So he's your dad's brother.”
“I didn't know my dad had a brother! And he's called Edward? Does he sparkle?”
“Oh my god, I have completely failed you as a sister. I'm so sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
“That series...Look, you don't know any better, but it's not very good...”
“It's better than my mum's book, Fifty Shades of Grey.”
“What?! You can't read that!”
“Fifty Shades of Grey? What's that?”
“It's a love story, about a lady with multiple personalities with a really mean rich guy, and he ties her up and hits her-”
“Seriously?”
“It's not very good.”
“It's also not for kids...or anyone really. All that true love crap doesn't exist in real life anyway.”
“Yes it does. What about you and Logan?”
“Stop talking. Right now.”
“Oh, come on! You know I'm right.”
“Not listening.”
Elsewhere...
“Well, you've turned out nicely. You look like you again.”
“That's what a haircut and some better clothes do, I suppose. Not smelling helps too. Anyway, you seemed upset when you came in last night. Did something happen?”
“Don't ask.”
“No, I'm asking. Sorry.”
“I'd rather not go to prison.”
“Is it that bad?”
“Killing your own grandmother? Yes.”
“What?”
“I went to confront her about what I knew-”
“That was not a good idea!”
“Tell me about it. Did you know she had her husband killed?
“I could guess, from when Miles attacked me, yes. Aria, I can't believe-”
“And did you know that Sheri was the payment?”
“N-no, I didn't. Wow. I'm sorry. I knew her and your father were evil, but that...”
“Yeah. So we argued. I pushed her. Well, more like tackled her. She fell back, hit her head and died.”
“Just like that?”
“Yes, just like that! A freak accident. She wasn't going to die any other way, was she? She was a vampire, she kicked my ass in most fights."
"Were you seen?"
"I don't think so... Are you going to get me into trouble?”
“No... There's no need.”
“Really?”
“Yes. What happened to her is no major loss. She was vile through and through. I don't condone what you did by any means, but you shouldn't face any consequences. You've been through enough without having your life ruined over an accident, to a terrible person absolutely nobody will miss. Let's just hope the investigation doesn't end up here...”
“That's... so much more than I deserve, really.”
“Look, I know it's not right, but to be honest, in addition to loving you and wanting nothing bad to happen to you, I have my own selfish reasons for wanting to protect you. Sadly, nothing about this situation was ever right. You didn't mean to do it, did you?”
“No, I didn't really want to kill her! I don't want to be like that. When I was a kid, I planned out various family member's deaths, in graphic detail. You know my parents got called into school a couple of times because the teachers were concerned about what I'd been drawing. But it wasn't real. I didn't go round there with a weapon, like Miles did to you and Tate, like he in turn did to my mother- you know, this explains a lot about me, doesn't it.”
“You kids have been exposed to some horrific things that no person should ever experience. That does terrible things to a person's mental state.”
“Neither Ellis nor Saraya are like me, though.”
“Its true that perhaps they're not as severely affected by it as you, but they're not without their own problems. You just express it differently. Speaking of Ellis, though, I think we can both agree that he can't find out about this. He really doesn't need to be in that position.”
“No, that'd be awful... It's a secret, then. Hopefully you can rest easy with me around now that I'm, well, a murderer...”
“No, I have no reason to be afraid of you. But as you know how much I hate conflict, I'll try not to get in your bad books regardless.”
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